


Fight for Me

by littlecupcake7



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Angst, Cheating, Declarations Of Love, F/F, Friendship/Love, Love Confessions, Pain, Sad Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-16
Updated: 2017-08-25
Packaged: 2018-09-24 22:05:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 10,157
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9789137
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littlecupcake7/pseuds/littlecupcake7
Summary: The one where Lexa is leaving Clarke, but can Clarke stop her?(Posted this months ago but got such a incredible responce and after reading through the story and your comments again, i feel like i want to add a few bits so this is just a recap update for it will be tomorrow!)Very angsty!!





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Was a one shot, until you guys talked me in to More!

**Fight for me!**

You can be whoever you want to be when you're standing in a crowd full of people, amongst your friends and family. You can paint your smile and pretend you care, pretend that everything isn't crashing to the ground and tell a story that will have no questions asked. You clutch your drink tighter than you ever have nodding, smiling laughing. None of its real. How could It be? In some ways you're still in shock, then in others, you know you fucked up so you remain lost in your own thoughts making it worse just by being here. You find yourself nodding and smiling as your friends acknowledge your attendance at the barbeque but find yourself wondering of far to quickly to be alone to process the simple heart breaking fact.  
  
Lexa is leaving you.  
  
The words repeat repeatedly in your head swirling around like a tornado, swiping the hopes and dreams of the future you had planned to build with one another, taking your happy memories with it, replaced with the broken tears Lexa shed as she clutched her engagement ring before throwing it at you with hatred. You broke in that moment, the guilt the fear the regret. Everything. Some how you gave up, you gave up on trying to make this right because you knew nothing could possibly make this right again. Instead of staying to fight you had wiped your face free of tears before fixing your make up in the car and painting this ridiculous smile on your face not wanting to ruin Octavia's birthday. You were a coward.  
  
You clutched your wine glass tighter downing the remaining alcohol leaving a sour taste on your tongue, but you didn't care. You were in a haze a deep sad pathetic hole with no fight left which only made you top your glass up quicker this time filling it to the top instead of a respectful amount.  You sip on it harshly as you look through the patio doors to your friends talking amongst one another and holding on to their loved ones like they were proud of them, especially Raven and Anya. You could see the looks they exchanged despite them being apart with different groups. The smile on Anya's face only confirmed her sister had not yet informed her of the break up that occurred only hours ago.  
  
You remember the look on Lexa's face as she walked in to the hospital to greet you with flowers simply because she missed you. You duck your head in shame as you remember flirting not so innocently with Finn Collins, the new head of surgery that had took a likeing to you months ago. He flirted repeatedly and you never turned it down, in fact you welcomed it, not at first but eventually and you flirted back shamelessly. But you were engaged.  You watched Lexa's proud face crumble as you turned to the brunette already aware she had just heard your conversation, her face dropped to, along with her heart.  
  
She had chassed Lexa immediately to the parking lot but when Lexa spun around her eyes were burning with fire and hate, yet the pain was evident, the pain was more than evident in the shaking of hand as she tore the ring from her finger shouting and screaming all the pain she felt, all the pain she wished she could show but that was impossible. Instead Lexa threw the ring at Clarke, she threw the ring so fiercely that the ring bounced of the blonde and would never be seen again as it reflected else where.  
  
The ring that held so many promises, so many plans now gone forever.  
  
"You're quiet" Raven smirked placing her arms against the kitchen counter startling Clarke from her thoughts.  
  
"Yeah sorry" Clarke plastered a fake smile standing straighter "Just tired" She lied.  
  
"Where's my baby sis" Anya added quickly joining her wife as she snaked her arm around her waist resting her chin on Raven's shoulder, and all Clarke could do was watch, knowing that's all gone for her, and its all her fault.  
  
"She's working," Clarke said after a moment clearing her voice.  
  
"On a Saturday?" Anya furrowed her brows looking to Clarke "Since when? Desperate for money or something?" She questioned.  
  
Clarke already knew she was lying, and she didn't want to increase the lies so instead she just shrugged her shoulders and swigged at her drink instead of speaking, ignoring the funny looks the happy couple were giving. She didn't care no more, she knew soon those looks would turn to judgement and disgust in her actions so for now, for Octavia's birthday she would lie.  
  
"weird" Anya said simply kissing Raven's cheek. "I'm nipping to the loo, wont be a minute" She smiled tapping her wife's ass before leaving with a smirk.  
  
She had no intentions of talking anymore, even if it was her best friend in the room with her, in all honestly she didn't no what to say or how to say it. Since Lexa caught her, threw the ring and shouted that she was Leaving Clarke was finding it difficult to even have the energy to move her lips while her mind wouldn't stop racing. Only when Clarke looked in to her wine glass did she realise her own engagement ring resting on her finger, the diamond sparking in the light as she turned her hand to stare at it forgetting Raven altogether.  She remembered the day they went and choose it together, the day Lexa's smile was well more than intoxicating when she told the Sales assistant with a grin that they were getting married. Clarke had laughed at her cuteness, having no doubt the lady behind the counter already had that inkling as you were in a shop full of wedding and engagement rings.  
  
"You're acting kind of weird" Raven stated looking at the blonde concerned. "Is everything ok?" she questioned stepping around the counter closer to Clarke.  
  
"Everything's fine" Clarke pushed the smile wider on her lips dropping her hand by her side as she stared at her best friend.  
  
"Where's Lexa?" Raven questioned.  
  
"Work." Clarke said quickly.  
  
"She doesn't work Saturdays Clarke" Raven crossed her arms across her chest her eyes boring in to Clarke trying to read her the best she could but Clarke dropped her gaze to her drink only looking up as she heard Anya's muffled voice coming back in the room.  
  
"Ok, ill see you tonight...bye." Anya said flipping her phone closed her brow more creased than when she left. Only when Anya looked up Clarke knew she knew. "You have nerve showing you're face after what you have done" Anya bit taking a harsh step towards Clarke. The blonde could only bow her head in shame unable to deny her actions nor defend anything she had done. Raven shifted beside Clarke more confused than any of them until she was standing between Clarke and her wife.  
  
"What's going on?" Raven questioned looking to her wife's fiery eyes then to Clarke's sad eyes.  
  
"That was Lexa" Anya's voice sounded harsher than ever but Clarke never looked up to see if her eyes met her tone. "She caught Clarke with another doctor"  
  
"What!?" Raven snapped spinning around to now face her best friend her forehead so creased she didn't think it could crease anymore. "Tell me that's not true"  
  
Clarke remained quiet gripping the kitchen counter for stability. Their was one thing seeing Lexa a broken mess, a mess you had created and then being lost in you're own thoughts, but hearing it out loud, hearing it from your friends mouth made everything seem to real. She felt the oxygen leave her lungs as the tears filled her eyes, but still she couldn't look up, she couldn't look up and see the disgusted looks she was getting.  
  
"I thought you loved her?" Raven questions confused. Her eyes scanning the kitchen with her confusion more evident than ever she didn't get it, neither did Clarke to be honest.  
  
"I do" it was barely audible but both girls caught it.  
  
"Bullshit!" Anya snapped and Raven felt the force of her wife's anger as she stepped closer barging in to Raven a little bit. "You don't cheat on someone that you love!" Anya bit only stopping her march forward as Raven blocked her.  
  
The blonde flinched at the word, is that what she was, a cheater? She never kissed him, she never slept with him, but she did cross the line with flirting, she did thrive on the complements and she did love to tease Finn back. She had seen so little of Lexa when she got home as her shifts were out of control that Finn's complements made her feel a buzz, a buzz that made her feel good. She didn't want him, and she certainty didn't love him, she loved Lexa more than she could ever put in to words, but at the same time she missed the comfort of having the feeling of someone wanting her. It sounds lame but Clarke missed Lexa, she missed her so much. They had always been flirty, and teasing but since Clarke took this new job opportunity they had no time for one another, and the blonde felt that everyday.  
  
"You're pathetic" Anya spat angrily.  
  
"Anya!" Raven snapped shutting her wife up with a glare only Anya could see. Raven took a moment to process everything she had just heard, her brows were constantly creasing in confusion not expecting to hear this today, or at all for that matter, but she was trying to deal with the situation properly instead of a spat.  
  
"Where is Lexa?" Raven questioned looking to both woman, neither caring who answers at this point.  
  
"Packing" Clarke said sadly crossing her arms over her chest like a shield.  
  
"She's coming to stay with us" Anya added informing her wife before Lexa would show up.  
  
"Right." Raven nodded "Have you spoken to her?" Raven questioned the blonde after a moment Clarke nodded.  
  
"What have you done?" Raven questioned defeated shaking her head. "How could you do that?" She questioned more confused.  
  
Still Clarke had no answer, she had no energy, no fight and no defence, infact she had no one. Lexa was leaving her and the thought of that only made her weaker, if she had any will before, she now had none at all. Lexa was moving out, she was packing her shit and moving out, leaving Clarke alone.  
  
"Do you even care?" Anya snapped with a disgusted look. "Have you got nothing to say?"  
  
She said nothing, she just stood their in her own head, like time froze.  
  
Until a burning sensation whipped across her cheek forcing her head to the side. She cupped her sore cheek with her head still bowed, the burning tingling her cheek until she dropped her hand and raised her gaze only to be slapped again, and harder this time instantly pushing a whimper out her lips. The slap wasn't much of a shock, it was more who was doing the slapping that shocked Clarke.  
  
"Snap out of it" Raven snapped dropping her arm beside her. "You fucked up. You fucked up big time" Raven stated with a pointed finger. "Stop standing here feeling sorry for yourself!" she ordered. "Lexa's at home, I suggest you go and speak with her now!"  
  
"She is not going near my sister" Anya interrupted.  
  
"Anya this is nothing to do with us" Raven snapped her tone more angry as she turned to face the blonde. "Grow up admit you're fault and if you love her you would be bloody grovelling not standing here drinking wine" For the first time Raven looked disgusted in Clarke's actions.   
  
"Raven.." Clarke tried.  
  
"I don't want to hear it" Raven shook her head. "I'm not the one who needs to, Lexa is. Now go before I slap you again" She ordered.   
  
Clarke looked between the two girls, the anger in both their eyes no where near as bad as Lexa's, yet the fear of them losing them didn't compare to the fear she had at losing the woman she loved, she fucked up she knew this and know she knew why Raven had smacked her, she was in shock and Raven brought her back.  
  
Before Raven could say another word Clarke was running for the door.  
  
\----  
  
Her nervous fingers tapped at the steering wheel as she pulled up infront of their home, the home they had planned to make a family. The home where they made love on the bedroom floor before they even brought a bed, before they even had confirmation that their offer had infact been accepted. How could she ruin it? How could she ruin something so beautiful, so pure for a simple need that no one could truly fulfil apart from Lexa.   
She exited the car nervously but quickly as she raced in the house, more determined than ever to not lose Lexa, more determined to prove her love.  
  
"Lexa!!!" Clarke shouted erratically through the house eyes darting across the kitchen to the front room before bolting up the stairs "Lexa!!" she shouted once more opening the door to there bedroom instantly noticing the suitcase wide open on the bed full of Lexa's clothes, her stomach dropped and her heart raced finally feeling the true fear of losing the love of her life.  
  
"Please don't go!" Clarke pleaded her eyes landing on the brunette exiting their bathroom with her toothbrush and some essentials.  
  
"Get away from me" Lexa ordered flinching away from Clarke's touch. Her eyes were red and blotchy from crying the tear stains still evident on her cheek.  
  
"Please" Clarke pleaded desperately following Lexa around the room as the brunette continued to pack. "I love you" She tried her voice breaking in to a sob as she tried to clutch on to anything Lexa, only when Lexa flinched away again Clarke dropped to the floor her body caving in her, sobs erupting unwillingly as she broke infront of the woman she loves. The woman she broke. "Ple-...I cant do this-..I'm so sorry" The sobs interrupted everything Clarke tried to say, her body shaking her voice breaking and vision almost impossible as the tears streamed down her face like a river.   
  
Lexa froze watching Clarke, she hurt. She hurt so much, but it still didn't change the fact she hated seeing Clarke hurt, she couldn't just switch a switch and stop caring life wasn't like that, despite how you wish sometimes it was. "You did this" Lexa muttered her tears falling to with a sniffle Clarke's gaze razed to look at Lexa.  
  
"I'm so sorry" Clarke cried. "I Can't lose you" Clarke pleaded "Please. Please don't go" She begged she didn't care that she was on her knees, she didn't care that she was grovelling. She just needed Lexa to stay what ever it takes, she reached out clutching her hands around the bottom of Lexa's top more broken than she could ever look. "Please"  
  
The sight of Clarke only made Lexa cry more, it made her break just like she broke when she Caught Clarke intimately Close with another man, whispering dirty flirty things. The thought itself made Lexa's eyes close taking a breath, she couldn't think, she couldn't do this right now, she needed to go.  
"Please stop" Lexa begged trying to step back but Clarke clutched tighter to her loved pleading more and more ignoring any dignity she should keep, she would grovel.  
  
"Lexa" Clarke pleaded. "Pl- look at me"  
  
"I Can't" Lexa pulled away harsher this time needing to just put the rest of her stuff in the bag to zip it up and quickly leave, only Clarke's sobs got louder as she shot to her feet pulling Lexa's things out as Lexa was trying to place them in.  
  
"You're not leaving" Clarke snapped "You're not leaving me" she ordered. "Please don't leave me" She pleaded weaker this time not allowing Lexa to pack no more.  
  
"Clarke please, move" She pleaded trying to get to her stuff unable to stop her continued tears that ignored Lexa's orders to just stop. Feeling like someone held her heart in the palm of their hand and all they were doing was squeezing on it, taking the oxygen and replacing it with pain like no other.  
  
"No! "Clarke snapped trying to get a hold of Lexa "I only want you!" Clarke's pain was turning to anger the more Lexa refused to listen or do as she said, it wasn't intentional it was just love, she was scared, scared of everything life would provide her with out the one person that makes life worth living.  
  
"I can't do this" Lexa whimpered her throat bopping up and down as she swallowed hard quickly making her exit out the bedroom. Leaving her stuff behind.  
  
Clarke was hot on her tail quickly running down the stairs trying to block Lexa from Leaving but was unsuccessful as her cries grew more with her fear.  
  
"No" Clarke ordered pulling at Lexa's arm wiping at her tears. "I fucked up" Clarke admitted still feeling tears falling but trying to ignore them. "I know that, but I cant lose you, I love you, please" She pleaded in her last effort. "Please. Fight with me please." Clarke pleaded cupping Lexa's cheeks in the palms of her hand. "Please don't let me go" she pleaded desperate as she pressed her wet lips to Lexa's, the taste of tears upon their lips. Their eyes clamped shut as they kissed once another, only when Lexa placed her hand on Clarke's did the kiss stop, their forehead rested on one another's.  
  
"I did fight" Lexa whispered. "Everyday." Lexa breathed opening her eyes to see tear coated blue staring back pleadingly and broken. "But I can't do this" She whispered. "You didn't fight." She says more firmer before pulling away from Clarke and leaving the home they was suppose to built a life in.  
  
**  
Well wasn't that emotional? Let me know your thoughts! I Apologise if its not amazing and spelling mistakes are ridiculous but I wrote this purely because I have writers BLOCK for Lost And Insecure! :(**

**But still What you thinking? :)**

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Fight For Me!**

**Part 2**

 

The worst type of crying is the silent one, the one where you're throat burns in pain as the tears fall making your vision blurry, the one where you just want to scream out in anger and desperation, the one where you cant breath anymore, the one when you realise the person that you love most has gone.  Two days had passed since Lexa had left Clarke.  
Everything had just muffled together in those few days, her emotions taking a turn for the worst the second she faced herself in the mirror. Not only was she a shadow of herself now staring back but it was like the past played out in the reflection, Lexa scooting past her with a morning smile, Lexa talking through the foamy toothpaste in her mouth, shamefully flirting as she stood in her underwear looking effortlessly perfect, even the 'I love you' messages Lexa would write on the mirror while Clarke would shower. So as the memories replayed over and over again her jaw locked, her tears fell and her throat tightened. Unable to look at herself for what she had done, for what was now her harsh reality. She was alone.   
  
She swept her arm roughly across the sink sending everything crashing to the ground with a smash. She cried out louder with everything she destroyed. Smashing the mirror in front of her before ripping the towels from the rails and pulling the shower curtain from its hinges. She cried and screamed out as she let herself into the bedroom to do the same. She continued to throw perfumes and photos against the walls as her tears coated her face till it looked sore and raw, only stopping as her eyes fell on Lexa's bag of things. Her knees gave in as she crumbled to the bed the ache in her chest throbbing as her cries struggled to suppress. She reached her hand out into the bag and gripped at anything she could as she clutched it to her chest before breathing feeling every ounce of energy drained emotionally from her, she eventually passed out, alone.  
  
Day two was proving more difficult, she wasn't sure what she expected, she didn't really expect anything at all. She felt exhausted from the second her eyes opened but as she wandered through the home they made together her anger was gone, instead, she was left heartbroken, defeated and an ache that continued to grip on her heart, an ache that increased when she admitted everything was her fault. She slouched on the couch curling into herself as she reached her phone. There were dozens of messages, dozens of missed calls but all that Clarke could focus on was the screensaver. Lexa was smiling shyly at the camera gripping the ends of her jumper near her mouth, it was the cutest photo Clarke had ever seen and she made it her goal to make it her screensaver despite Lexa's eye rolling and attempts at deleting the photo, Clarke loved it.  
  
Without thinking she had dialed the number she knew by heart, she pressed it tightly to her ear, hoping, praying she would answer even if it was just to hear her voice for a second. Only she didn't after a few rings it went to voicemail, but Clarke found herself trying again, and again until she became desperate to speak to Lexa. She didn't care that she should be at work, she didn't care that she hadn't phoned in sick, and she certainly didn't care for all the missed calls and texts she had received concerned from Raven and Octavia, she ignored them all as she focused on one thing and one thing only.   
  
**To Lexa: Please call me.  
**  
**To Lexa: Let me explain. Please.**  
  
**To Lexa: Please pick up, I cant do this without you!.. please!**  
  
**To Lexa: I need to speak to you, please just let me explain!**  
  
That day Clarke had remained on the couch constantly trying to contact Lexa, she knew she should leave her alone give her space, but she couldn't she was scared if she gave her that time, that space she would lose her forever. She needed to explain herself, even if the explanation was never going to be good enough, she just needed to see the woman she loves. After a dozen calls and unanswered texting Clarke decided in the heat of the moment she needed to see her, she just needed to. She cleaned her bloody hand under the sink before wrapping it carefully and grabbing her car keys and heading out.  
  
That's what let her here, walking nervously down Anya's and Raven's path to the front door while fiddling with the keys. She wasn't sure what she was going to say, or how she would even say it but she knew she couldn't just let Lexa go, she fucked up yes, massively and she will regret that for the rest of her life. Lexa deserved better, way better yet Clarke loved her too much to just let her slip away.  
  
"You have some nerve, showing up at my house," Anya said angrily stepping out on to the porch arms crossed as the door closed behind her, having absolutely no intentions on letting the blonde pass.  
  
"Please Anya." Clarke pleaded defeated. "I just want to explain. I need to speak to her"   
  
"Explain" Anya scoffed. "Explain what exactly? Why you were hanging of a man at work?" Anya spat. "Lexa does not want to see you, and neither do I, so do us all a favour and get lost" She gritted nodding her head towards Clarke's car.  
  
"I can't leave till I've seen her." Clarke says timidly looking at the fire come to life in Anya's eyes as she took a few steps forward towards the blonde.  
  
"I suggest you leave Clarke" Anya warned.  
  
"I can't." Clarke says keeping her gaze down.  
  
"You.."  
  
"Anya. It's fine" Lexa interrupted stepping on to the porch.  
  
She could feel the blazing look Anya was giving her, but she never looked, she was too focused on the brunette standing by the front door with her arms crossed around her baggy clothes looking more paler than Clarke ever remembered. Without acknowledging Anya disappearing back into the house Lexa took a step forward with her eyes fixed on her feet.  
  
"What are you doing here Clarke." Lexa said coldly, tightening her grip on herself.  
  
"I just want to talk," Clarke said after a moment. "Please"  
  
"There's nothing to say." Lexa said finally looking up noticing Clarke closing in on her until she was standing directly in front of her. She noticed instantly how Lexa's eyes trailed her body stopping on her bandaged hand, she could see the question wanting to roll of Lexa's tongue, but it never came. Words swirled around her head trying to think of the ring thing to say, to make all of this vanish and never happen again, but she knew there was none.  
  
"Let me explain" Clarke pleaded. At those words, Lexa's head dropped shaking her head.   
  
"Explain what!" Lexa snapped her eyes coming alight much like Anya's. "Explain how you were playing with your bosses collar as he told you, you look beautiful today?" Lexa shouted "Or how you tugged at his collar and whispered that you look beautiful every day? You might as well have been sitting on his lap with how close you were!" Lexa snapped.  
  
The lump that formed in Clarke's throat stopped her from being able to speak, stopped her from being able to even look the brunette in the eye with nothing but guilt. She had no defense, and no reason good enough to voice. She had tugged on Finn's lap coat teasingly as he flirted with her like he did every day, and she teased him right back instead of shutting the advantages down.  
  
"Come on, defend yourself! Tell me I imagined it! Tell me I didn't see you whispering in his ear that you weren't sure he could handle you as you bit your lip?" Lexa shouted stepping closer roughly raising Clarke's chin so she could look her in the eye "Tell me!" Lexa demanded. She could see everything in those shades of green, the pain, anger, hurt but Clarke could also see the pleading, hoping this was all just a dream and Clarke just needed to tell her this was all just a dream. "Please" Lexa pleaded her voice breaking as her eyes coated with tears.  
  
"I can't" Clarke whispered pulling her chin from Lexa's grip to look away as her own tears built. "I'm sorry" She whispered.  
  
A throaty laugh echoed through Clarke's ears as Lexa pushed away from the blonde, feeling her emotions quickly change from one to the other.  
  
"You're sorry?" Lexa laughed. "Tell me... Did you think about me when you were with him?" Lexa questioned. "Did you ever think how you would hurt me?" Lexa questioned becoming angrier again.  
  
"Lexa.." Clarke tried stepping forward once again.  
  
"Don't!" Lexa held her hands up in protest "Don't come near me" she gritted in disgust and Clarke's body flinched at disgusted look Lexa gave.  
  
"I never meant for this" Clarke tried to explain. "I never. We never did anything, it was just words.. we just flirted" Clarke explained. "I Know that doesn't excuse it, or make any of this better, but I need you to know that I never touched him like that, I could never touch anyone like that" Clarke pleaded for the brunette to understand, but she cringed at her own words. "I love you.. I love you so much!" Lexa shook her head once more as she turned away from the blonde and walked a few steps along the porch   
  
"And if I hadn't of caught you, how far would you have gone"  
  
"Nowhere!" Clarke begs releasing a frustrated huff. "I missed you. I miss you every day, work just got so stressful and I barely saw you, and when I did you were sleeping, or I was sleeping, and I just missed us, I missed the comfort, the compliments. I missed you" Clarke tried to explain.   
  
"I missed you too!" Lexa shouts stomping forward in anger "I didn't flirt with someone else Clarke! I didn't go looking for everything I missed anywhere I else!! I loved you, I would just wait, knowing that when we would get the time, every second counts!" She screamed in the blondes face tears staining her cheeks. "You're pathetic!" Lexa spat.  
  
"Please Lexa.." Clarke pleaded having nothing left in her. "Please don't leave me. I need you. I love you"  
  
"I Think you should go!" Lexa ordered arms crossing her chest "I need space"  
  
"Lex.."  
  
"Leave!!" Lexa shouted, causing Anya and Raven to join them on the porch.  
  
Anya took one look at her sister's state before turning to the blonde and blocking her view from her sister.  
  
"You heard, leave!" Anya said coldly staring down the blonde.   
  
As Clarke found her feet she quickly stumbled off the porch around the corner to her car, before she let herself break. She hit her car roughly wanting to scream out in frustration. She was losing her world, her heart and her meaning all because she wanted some attention that she had missed from her fiancée. She was pathetic.  
  
"Clarke... Hey" Raven said sympathetically as she placed her arms around her best friend and allowed her to cry on her shoulder.  
  
"I feel like I cant breath" Clarke muttered clutching on to her best friend scared to let go.  
  
"I know" Raven said softly. "She needs her space. Give her time" Raven says softly. "You fucked up"  
  
"I love her"  
  
"It doesn't seem that way, especially to Lexa" Raven admitted honestly feeling the blonde pulling away to look at her properly. "You need to realize that this is serious. You haven't seen Lexa these past two days. She isn't speaking, barely moving and hasn't eaten a single thing" Raven admitted. "She cries at night when she thinks we're sleeping Clarke" Raven crossed her arms over herself. "I love you, I do but Lexa is my wife's sister and she is struggling, really struggling for something you did, so you need to go home and wait for Lexa to be ready to speak because you don't see how hard it is for her when you ring"    
  
\----  
  
Hours started to drag, days slowed and weeks felt never-ending. She waited and waited for Lexa to call, she would wait as long as it took when it came to her and Lexa's future together, unable to picture Life without the brunette but it never came. Instead, she had a knock at the door one afternoon that would change her life forever.  
Lexa hadn't come to fix things, to work through their problems and try again, it was a big hope, but Clarke clung to it from the second Lexa had left, instead,  Lexa was here to collect her stuff.   
  
Clarke stood in the kitchen listening to cupboards opening and closing from their bedroom, she heard the ruffling of boxes as one was pilled on top of one another by the front door, she knew those boxes meant she was Leaving and never returning, she knew she had lost her fight. She deserved it she knew it, she messed up the best thing to ever happen to her, and now all she had was the house they shared together that held almost all their memories, from the way Lexa would dance around the kitchen singing in to the spatula as she made dinner or the way Lexa would always nick her glass of wine before drinking out her own. It was the little things, that meant the most, the way Lexa would kiss her every night and every morning as she glided her fingers up and down the blondes back like she liked it. She knew Lexa was unable to forgive her, unable to allow her head to look past it, the brunette had always lived in her head, many things could run away with itself but they always had trust and now that was gone, deep down she knew Lexa would go too, she just couldn't accept that.  
  
"I guess this is it" Lexa finally said stepping into the kitchen. She looked different tinier, paler with Clothes that were certainly not her. Clarke looked into those green eyes like it would be the last time like they were her anchor. She was unable to bring herself to say goodbye, unable to watch the woman she loves walk away and out of her life. There was so many unspoken words between them, so many questions but Clarke found her right to ask them gone, she knew the reason she was leaving, and if she was in the same position she would leave too, she messed up the best part of her and she would have to live with that for the rest of her life.  
  
"For what its worth.. I'll never stop loving you" Clarke admitted softly. "You will forever hold my heart" Clarke confessed. Knowing in a short moment she will see Lexa walk away from her for the last time. Sometimes there isn't always a second chance waiting for you, you just need to treasure it the first time around and think before you act, because what you may find innocent isn't as innocent as you actually think. 

 

 

**So this was meant to be a One Shot! Yet so many comments had me writing this, I winged it! So if its terrible I blame you guys! ;) I had such a incredible response to the first chapter, like really best response ive had from all my stories, which I was extremely shocked about as this is a heart breaking story, and a big part of reality! People fuck up, and sometimes you cant take that back! I just want to say thank you for like the Twenty odd something comments I got the first time around, I actually really enjoyed reading them and you're different views on cheating! Thank you so much!! :)**

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Absolutely thrilled with the response from the first chapter!  
> Different of opinions were incredible to read! Thank you so much, here is the second part you asked for :)  
> You ask you receive! I hope you enjoy as much as the first!!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what your thinking?

**Fight for me!**

_ 2 years Later. _

  
She remembered it as Clear as the current falling snow, how could she not? It was the day that changed everything, the day she knew she had lost her from the moment she opened her front door, the day she last saw those beautiful sad green eyes, it was the day she felt like she stopped living and just continued to survive. Time ticked by and life slowly just changed until everything from her once happy life was gone. There was no more Raven and Anya, there was no more Lincoln and Octavia, and there was no more job at the hospital, and there was no trace of of the old Clarke either. At first living without Lexa was proving to be the most challenging thing in Clarke's life, she went to work like normal and Fin would flirt even more once he discovered she was newly single, but every time Clarke even so much as looked at him, she hated him. She hated him because he did this, she hated him because he wasn't worth any of it, she hated him because she knew deep down this wasn't his fault and it was all on her, so she quit her job one day and never returned to exhausted to continue, and to heartbroken to think normal. She fell in to a hole, a hole that seemed to keep crumbling around the sides every time she was close to reaching the top. Lexa moved in with Anya and Raven as far as she heard, but due to Anya hating Clarke and wanting her no where near the house or Lexa, Clarke couldn't visit her best friend who she desperately needed, and when Raven did visit she would constantly try and pick Clarke up or get her doing something but Clarke rejected her help until their relationship just crumbled away.  
  
"Who's that?" Georgina questioned  as she paused her movement like Clarke while following her line of sight.   
  
It was a small town and she knew this day would come and for a while now she wasn't sure if she hoped for it or dreaded it. She had began exiting the café when she saw her, she froze abruptly, her breathing pausing as well despite her heart instantly pounding with nerves. She knew instantly, her eyes, her smile it was all the same even from afar and a flutter fluttered around her chest in warmth at the memory of her once fiancée, until she saw the scene for what it was.  
  
"Clarke?" Georgina questioned her voice giving away her concern "Are you ok?"  
  
She wasn't. She was not ok. She could feel her body pale and tremble as her eyes struggled to remove them from the scene infront of her. Lexa's arms were wrapped lovingly around another woman's waist smiling at her like they were in another world, a world where she could make Lexa smile like Clarke use to. She knew she should tear her eyes away, turn around, anything but watch as Lexa kissed the other brunette on the lips with a laughter Clarke wished she could hear. It was like all the butterflies in Clarke's stomach that returned after two years of missing them from just the sight of Lexa quickly died.  
  
"That's" Clarke struggled to speak, she struggled to do anything. "Her" she muttered giving no other clue to who her is, she just hoped she would just know. She watched and she watched and her heart felt like it was in the devils hand while he squeezed it like a toy, the more she watched the more she ached. Raven and Anya were there to talking to Lexa and the other girl.  
  
"Lexa?" Georgina answers her eyes returning back to the girl across the street.  
  
She knew this would all happen, that she would one day bump in to Lexa and relive everything she tried to forget, but how could you forget something that you still hoped and prayed would simply come back? It was a fantasy she knew that but Lexa was always meant to be hers, she knew it from the moment she seen Lexa standing under a bus stop dodging the rain, she knew it the second she watched amused from her car as Lexa placed a useless newspaper over her head in attempt to keep dry even if it was jut a little bit until Clarke eventually pulled up beside her with a dazzling smile offering a ride of course Lexa denied it from a stranger but Clarke never stopped trying after that.  
  
"I need to go" Clarke breathed making a run for the door. When the door opened the bell rang the door and the cold winter air hit her lungs like razor blades. She could feel the tears coming as the memories flashed threw her mind and it didn't make it any better that she could still see Lexa across the street snuggled up in her woolly coat, hat on and scarf tugged around her neck while the girl takes Lexa's hand as they walk down the street.  
  
Clarke didn't lie when she told Lexa that she would never love anyone like her, she wouldn't and couldn't. She refused to feel sorry for herself, but she also refused to hear people talk shit around her and tell her everything will be ok, that she will find someone else, or maybe Lexa just wasn't the one, because deep down she knew she was. She knew that she had ruined the best thing that she ever had, so as Clarke finally heard Lexa's laugh she stopped. She stopped thinking about the other girl with her, she stopped thinking about the jealousy that was running through her veins and she just watched.  
  
Lexa was smiling again. She was laughing. She was living.  
  
She ignored her aching heart for once and instead she crossed her arms and allowed herself to just deal with the sight infront of her. Lexa deserved to be happy, god she deserved it more than anyone in the world, and Clarke had taken that so horribly away. Unaware of the falling tears down her cheek as she watched Lexa kiss another again, she finally dropped her head to the ground the feeling and realisation sinking in that Lexa was never coming back.  
  
"Come on Lets get you out of here" Georgina says clutching her friends arm and dragging her away from the sight that was quickly sheading Clarke to her final pieces. As Georgina pulls her away in silence all that Clarke can think about were some of Ravens words she spoke of Lexa not long before there friendship came to a end. She remembered Raven telling her how much Lexa cried herself to sleep, how Lexa had gotten so drunk one night that she ended up slumped against the fridge drinking whiskey pure while mumbling and crying. Raven swore it was the darkest she ever seen Lexa.  
  
Lexa was laughing again now.  
  
She was happy.  
  
Clarke didn't realise she was even home or even sitting down on her couch until Georgina brought her a glass of water before sitting opposite her with a worried expression. She wanted to explain everything, apologise for ruining her birthday but she couldn't, all she could do was give a fake smile before darting her eyes around the room. Even after everything she couldn't move out of this house, unfortunately now it was just in her now but for some reason she couldn't let it go. She just couldn't.  
  
"Want to talk about it?" Georgina questioned softly.  
  
No.  
  
"She's happy" Clarke muttered in to the silence. "She's happy" she repeated like she needed to believe it for herself, she wasn't sure how she felt about it, she wasn't sure if she was happy that Lexa had moved on and found happiness like she knew she deserved or crushed that she had done exactly that.  
  
"It's been two years" Georgina says sympathetically hoping Clarke would understand.  
  
"I know" She breathed taking a sip of her water, not because she was thirsty but because what else was their to say?  
  
"Maybe if you get out of this place, it might help you move on" She says moving around the front room to sit by Clarke.  
  
"I can't"  
  
"why not?"  
  
"I just..i cant"  
  
"You still love her" Georgina says after a moment.  
  
It wasn't a question and Clarke knew it but as Clarke's eyes looked around the living room where memories were made with her and Lexa, she knew that was the reason she couldn't sell the house, she couldn't let it go because it was the last bit of Lexa she had. She already let Lexa go and somewhere in Clarke's messed up crazy in love brain the house warmed her in away nothing else could when she thought of Lexa, because this was their happy place, the life they were meant to build and despite it torturing her everyday because she doesn't have it anymore, she couldn't let it go.  
  
"I could never stop" Clarke confesses in to the silence.  
  
"She saw you you know" Georgina confesses catching Clarke's attention. "Not her. Raven" Georgina quickly adds seeing the hope in Clarke's eyes.  
  
"She did?"  
  
"Yeah as I was pulling you away, she just stood and stared for a while"  
  
"Oh" Clarke says sadly her eyes focusing on the ground. "I'm just going to crash" Clarke finally says needing to be alone.  
  
"Ok" Georgina says sadly. "Good night"  
  
"Night"  
  
She walked of without another word, she would say her thanks tomorrow when its a day she hadn't seen Lexa, but for right now she needed to just forget. She needed to disappear in to a dream where reality was out of reach. Yet the struggle proved real as she tossed and turned, trying to rid herself of any temptation of Calling Raven, or even worse calling Lexa. She resisted because as Lexa's laugh ringing in her ears like it did that night, she knew one thing.  
Lexa's happiness was all that mattered to her, and all Clarke did was break her till she was a drunken mess crying on a kitchen floor.

..

  
**What are you thinking? Agree? disagree?**


	4. Chapter 4

**Fight for me!**

**Part 4**

 

It was always easier to pretend what would happen if she ever saw her again but really, the outcome was inevitable. She knew Lexa would be the one to send her spiralling down a hole again just like she knew it was pointless to try stop it. For the past three days Clarke had drowned in her sorrows with booze in dark rooms unable to stop thinking about green eyes and plump lips that was brighter than ever. She imagined what would have happened if she had approached her in the street. Would she stare for a while the way she use to with her old gentle eyes or would the mark of betrayal and pain still be buried deep under green. She imagined what it would feel like to be able to talk to Lexa again, to be civil and just be happy that she had finally found the happiness she knows she deserves, the happiness she failed to give. She knew that was silly as soon as she thought it, because not only could she not be friends with Lexa, she wasn't sure how she would ever be able to look at the brunette without regretting everything she had ever done.  
  
"Clarke this isn't healthy" Georgina says sharply pulling the curtains wide open to let the sunlight threw.  
  
She knew it wasn't, but she was to consumed by Lexa to care. So she took another harsh swig of whiskey feeling the burning sensation ripple down her throat, but found herself deserving of such petty pain. She hated whiskey, she always had but Lexa had always kept it stocked up in the glass cabinet beside the window taking small swigs after a hard days work. Clarke would always cringe with every sip Lexa took while Lexa could only roll her eyes at her girlfriend who refused to kiss her until she got rid of the dreadful taste in her mouth. When Lexa left she couldn't bare to rid the house of the drink, so instead drank it in her darker days until she was to numb to feel the harsh reality of life. Only now does Clarke realise its been over a year since she last took the glass from the cabinet and it still taste just as vile.  
  
"Talk to me" Georgina pleaded sitting down on the opposite couch. "You have been like this for days, don't shut me out"  
  
"There's nothing left to say" Clarke said bitterly downing the remaining liquid in her glass before slamming it down on the glass table with a thud while already reaching to top it up.  
  
"If that were true you wouldn't be like this" Georgina said watching Clarke's glass fill to the rim. "You can't keep letting yourself go down this path, you need to deal with it, speak about it even"  
  
"what do you want me to say Georgina!" Clarke snapped slumping back in her chair and spilling the whiskey as she goes. The Clarke from three days ago was very different from the Clarke sitting on the couch right in this very moment. Clarke three days ago was happy, clean and living life in the presence. The Clarke sitting infront of Georgina hadn't washed, stank of booze and found it difficult to even think about smiling as she relived her regretful past.  
  
"I want you to talk" She says simply. "You shut everyone out from that part of your life, Raven, Octavia. Me" she says sadly. "Talk to me, please"  
  
"Fine" Clarke says defeated with a aggression about her. "You want to know what I'm thinking. Fine" She bit leaning forward in her chair, Georgina didn't really know Clarke with Lexa, she met her afterwards but heard about Clarke's betrayal and could see she regretted it with every fibre of her being, but other than that Clarke hardly spoke at all of Lexa.  
"I ruined everything" Clarke finally breathed defeated.  
  
"Clarke-"  
  
"No. You don't understand" Clarke cut of finally looking up from her liqueur to her best friend. "I really did, not just with Lexa" Clarke admits for the first time. "After we split up, Raven visited as much as she could. She would try talking me up, make me leave the house but there was only one thing I really wanted to talk about" Clarke said regrettably. "I took advantage in the fact that Lexa was living with Raven, I wanted to know how she was, if she was sad, if she spoke about me. Many occasions I wanted to go around, sometimes even make out like I was just visiting there to see Raven, but really I just wanted to see Lexa. At first Raven told me a few things, like how Lexa had broken down in the kitchen and cried herself till she was a mess on the floor, how Lexa hadn't been going to work, little things really and every time I asked I could see the discomfort in Raven's eyes but I didn't care I pushed because I couldn't let it go" Clarke confessed swirling her drink shamefully in her glass. "It was causing a strain on her own relationship because Anya didn't want me remotely near Lexa ever again, so eventually Raven slowly stopped telling me little things and instead told me she had to respect Lexa's privacy and could not take advantage just because she lived with her. I, being a selfish idiot lashed out" Clarke admitted.  
  
"What did you do?"  
  
"a simple way to put it would be, I told her she was a terrible friend and that she had no use anymore, and that she was betraying me and aloud of other crap" Clarke admitted. "i upset her that day and i could see how my outburst had cut right through her, but that didn't stop me. I was on a emotional roller coaster, i lost the woman i loved, i had quit my job and i just saw red when Raven stopped talking about Lexa. She didn't give up though, she rang, she came around dozens of times but i was to bitter and childish so i ignored her. I wasn't thinking Clearly" Clarke confessed taking a few larger gulps to her drink like she was punishing herself even more. "I love her you know, Lexa"  
  
"I know" Georgina admits quietly. She didn't need to be around to know that were true.  
  
"I still do" Clarke says shaking her head. "I Guess somewhere, in the back of my head i always thought we would fix it. I know it sound crazy but when i first met Lexa i was a total mess. Maybe even more than i am now. My mum had recently passed away and i had turned cold and distant but Lexa was the only thing to catch my eye. She made me laugh when i watched her wait for a bus in the pouring rain while holding a newspaper over her head. It became somewhat as a challenge as she repeatedly turned me down. Yet when she finally accepted" Clarke breathed remembering the day well. "I Didn't expect to feel as excited as i did, i was nervous and clammy and just everything i never normal am. I thought i got threw the night rather well" Clarke smiled "Then do you know what she said to me?"  
  
"What?" Georgina smiled  
  
"She told me i was a little dorky before she give me a kiss good night" Clarke laughed. Actually laughed. Soon as she realised she was doing it, it died in her throat. "It's weird because she was the woman to piece me back together, to bring me back to life in away because all i had become was a one night stand kind of girl" Clarke confessed. "Yet after her, she dealt with my crap, she dealt with my lash outs and my insecurities and she build a better person of me back together, but i screwed that up and now, I'm just lost again because i don't have her anymore. I lost the best thing to ever happen to me, and that sickens me because i know it was own stupidity. Seeing her again, god it just brought back all those memories like it happened yesterday. She was happy" Clarke says softly placing her glass on the table like she didn't need it anymore.  
  
"She is" Georgina admits.   
  
"I spoke to her once after she left" Clarke admits out loud for the first time. "She called me. It was silent on the phone for so long, I daren't speak incase she would hang up, then I heard her quiet sob" Clarke said regretfully. "She was breaking down, and I could do nothing to help with the questions she demanded answered"  
  
"What questions did she ask?"  
  
"She wanted the truth about happened and why" Clarke admitted so I told her the truth she deserved that much. "She asked everything that had happened with Finn andwhy I did it. I finally told her the truth, I told her Finn had kissed me on a night out and that's how it started"  
  
"You always said nothing happened"   
  
"I was ashamed. Like I told Lexa I have no idea why I continued to play games with him, I wasn't interested and I knew that from the moment he kissed me by surprise."  
  
"Yet you continued?" Georgina questioned. "That makes no sense"  
  
"I know it doesn't" Clarke says slouching back against the chair. "It never will, and I refuse to give a excuse for my actions because honestly, there isn't one, I was stupid and I made a mistake"  
  
"So what now?" Georgina questioned looking to the whiskey glass before back to Clarke. "You're just going to keep drinking when you see her? or think about your actions?"  
  
"No" Clarke breathed. "Today, I'm letting go" Clarke says looking around the living room with the rush of memories running threw her thoughts. "I need to accept that, she isn't coming back and never will" Clarke admits standing up. "I need to find my self again" Clarke says nodding at nothing.  
  
"Where are you going?"   
  
"Shower. Then to do something I should have done along time ago" Clarke admits before heading for the stairs.   
  
\----  
  
  
She nervously looked up to the blue door knowing Lexa was somewhere hidden behind it. She was scared to see her again and somewhere she knew this was a mistake, but in order to move on and let go this was the last puzzle piece she had to return in order to move on. With shaky hands she pulled the piece of silver from her pocket looking at the diamond ring Lexa had once proposed with. She couldn't help but smile at the memory. Lexa had proposed with a face full of tears before she had even uttered a single word, it was the cutest thing she had ever seen and as she had eagerly said yes she could help but call her girlfriend a idiot for ruining her own proposal she had planned for the following week. Lexa had insisted Clarke went threw with her own proposal eager to see how it turned out and even more thrilled there was never a doubt Clarke would have said yes. Of course the proposal was a lot more relaxed and completely different from the original plan because the nerves were taken out of the picture as Lexa had already asked. She wanted to hit Lexa though when she finally asked her the questioned threw a laugh and Lexa has cheekily said ' I duno' through the smuggest of grins.  
  
With deep breaths and shaky legs Clarke abruptly jumped out the car giving her no chance to turn back and change her mind. She had to do this, this belonged to her, she should have it back she kept telling herself until she was knocking on the door.  Seconds turned to minutes and Clarke knocked one more time before deciding to give up and turn back, just as she turned around the door flung open with a out of breath Lexa.  
  
"Clarke" She froze.  
  
With great hesitation Clarke's eyes connected with shocked green eyes staring back. She was right the hurt and betrayal was still buried beneath.  
  
"What are you doing here?" Lexa questioned confused turning her head over her shoulder before closing the door to face Clarke. The soft angelic voice was impatient and surprised but still Clarke thought it was just a bonus the door wasn't slammed in her face.  
  
"I'm sorry" Clarke said nervously looking to the ground her words all tangled in her brain. "I just- I shouldn't have just shown up, I know but I just needed to give you this" Clarke says softly pulling out Lexa's great grandmothers ring.  
  
"My grandmothers ring" Lexa breathed having not seen it in over two years.  
  
"Yeah" Clarke says handing it over with a nervous fake smile, she quickly placed her hands in the back of her jean pockets before turning on her heel and walking down the path. She tried biting her tongue, she tried counting down from ten to stop her from saying something she was aching to spill. This was her moving on, turning away and walking away from her hope she had kept for so long, turning away from her biggest regret and finally moving on. But she couldn't, not without saying something.  
  
  
  
"I know you owe me nothing, and i have no right to show up here" Clarke says turning back to face Lexa with more confidence. This had to be said. "For some reason i believed you would always come back to me, that we would have our fairy tale and live happily ever after" Clarke admitted ignoring the way Lexa's jaw clenched and swallowed around Clarke's words. "I know you want nothing to do with me, trust me i understand that i betrayed you and hurt you in away i promised i never would" Clarke admitted taking her final step before stopping infront of Lexa. "but i want you to know, that i love you, I've always loved you and i made a mistake, and i know that's not good enough and i cant change that because what's done is done. Yet i still want you to know, that you were the best thing to happen to me, and i will forever be grateful for you because you helped me come out of the hole i fell in to after my mums death" Clarke breathed. "I saw you the other night, you were smiling and happy with another" Clarke breathed threw out a smile. "i was happy for you, because god you deserve it Lex, you deserve to be treated like royalty because you're special" Clarke says.  
  
"Clar-"  
  
"No let me say this" Clarke says cutting Lexa off. She had spent so much time respecting Lexa not wanting her near her and to not contact her but now was her last chance to say her final words. "You're special Lexa. I will forever regret what i have done, because I've never wanted anyone like you" Clarke admits "I know you don't believe that, but its true" Clarke says letting out a heavy breath. "I just wanted you to know that, because for the past two years I've been unable to move forward. You deserve to give that ring to someone who will hold your heart with so much care and love" Clarke admits finally taking a step backwards. "That's all i have left to say" Clarke says. With a nervous smile she turns on her heel and heads towards her car only stopping when Lexa's voice calls her.  
  
"Clarke" Lexa says taking a step away from her door before pausing she was still shocked that Clarke was at her door never mind what she had just said.  
  
"I loved you, you know" Lexa says her eyes showing more pain than moments ago.  
  
"I know" Clarke says before stepping in to her car and driving away. She really did know.  
  
As she drove down the road, she knew she was driving down the path of her next chapter. It was time to start living in the now and learn from her past.  
  



End file.
